Hey Solo Sister | Communication With Your Child
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Communication With Your Child

For the solo sisters we have spoken to, all of them recognise the importance of the truth when telling their children about their father. However, each mother has her own method. It comes down to timing and figuring out how much of the truth you will reveal to them as they begin to understand more and more. Let’s see how each mum communicated the truth to their child.

Jaxe
Source: Artidote | Photo: Dream Beam

Jaxe’s method is to establish an openness with her daughter. She’s prepared to answer any question that her daughter might possibly ask even before she asks it. Yet, with this openness, Jaxe is careful to package the information in a way her daughter would understand. And as her daughter grows, more and more will be revealed to her as and when she requires more information.

Doreen
Source: Artidote | Photo: Eric Mickelson

As a mother of two young children, Doreen constantly wonders how she’s going to tell them about their absent father. For now, she tells them that their father is overseas. She doesn’t make a big deal of it. She states his absence as a matter of fact. Her main concern is making sure that her children don’t feel inadequate. She wishes for them to grow up strong, physically and emotionally. She doesn’t believe in self-pity. And it all begins with how the mother acts. Bitterness begets bitterness, so Doreen remains positive in the face of hardship.

 

When asked if her father was ever going to come back, her daughter innocently replied “I don’t know.” Although her children are too young to understand what’s going on now, Doreen is aware of the fact that she will have to explain all of this to them very soon. With changing times and shifting family types, Doreen’s main priority is education for her children and a tactful presentation of the facts.

Cindy
Source: Artidote | Artwork: st-pam

During play time one day, Cindy’s son attempted to call his father on his toy telephone. That was when Cindy took him aside to have a serious talk about his father. Her first principle when raising her child is that there can be no lies between them. With her son, she has practised giving the truth – it’s just a matter of how much of it she gives. While explaining the situation to her son, Cindy made her story animated and exaggerated, although she was cautious not to overreact to the difficult questions he asked. “They enjoy your reaction and will start having their own ideas,” she cautions. And because children can be self-centred and attribute the problem to themselves, she focused on the relationship between herself and his father and how it was the main reason he was not around. Above all, she reminded him that his father still loved him very much.

Katherine
Source: Artidote | Photo: Gil Blank

Consistency in the truth. Katherine believes that being truthful to her son is better than lying to him now and possibly, affecting his character in the future. Her young son of 4 has just started asking questions but she has always assured him that she plays the role of both his father and his mother and that, regardless, she loves him a lot. She puts it plain and simple, telling him that she and his father cannot get along and thus, are not together anymore. That’s it. Her son seemed to understand this but didn’t say anything. He simply accepted it and went off.