Hey Solo Sister | Stories from Single Mothers & Unwed Mothers | Heysolosister.com
Hear stories from single mothers and unwed mothers in Singapore to find out how they made their decisions about their unplanned pregnancies and wedlock baby.
unwed mothers, single mothers, single parents, single mum, unplanned pregnancies, wedlock baby, Singapore, support, abortion, adoption, foster care, solo custody
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Chapter 2: A Fork in the Road

Now that you’re pregnant, there are many decisions you have to make and one of the most important questions, of course, is “what do I do with the baby?”

 

Firstly, consider parenthood. Here are some useful questions to ask:

Am I financially equipped to raise a child?

Think practically – do you have a stable income or the financial capacity to raise a child, to put food on the table, to provide a roof over your head? Do you know, on average, how much it would cost to raise a child in Singapore?

 

Everyone will have their own calculations but perhaps it would be useful to see what the experts say.

Do I have sufficient support from my family (and friends) to raise my child?

The importance of familial support cannot be emphasised more. Having the support of your loved ones can change your’s and your baby’s life dramatically. It may seem as if your parents will be too angry and disappointed to give you their blessings. But, many cases have shown that in the end, the family always comes together to give their support to their pregnant daughter. Remember, if you never ask, you’ll never know.

 

Read how the support of family and friends made the journey easier for other solo sisters.

Am I emotionally and mentally prepared to raise a child?

During the months of pregnancy, a woman’s emotions will vary from excited or happy to probably fear and frustration. And these emotions may be made more extreme if you’re going through it alone. The stress and the hurt, on top of your normal hormonal changes, can become unbearable especially if you have no one to turn to. Do you know what to expect from this journey? Are you likely to crumble under the stress, the pain and the confusion?

Am I willing to make drastic changes to my plans and lifestyle for this child?

As a mother, your time will not be your own and your lifestyle choices will inevitably impact your child. If you’re not ready to make compromises on your schedule and your habits, now may not be the best time for you to raise a child.

If you answered ‘no’ to most of the above questions, perhaps raising a child at this point in time may not be ideal for you.

 

Thus, after you have decided that parenthood is not the answer, take time to explore other options before making further decisions. Also, perhaps it would be useful to hear how other mothers answered their big questions.

A Long-term decision: Jaxe

Source: Artidote | Painting: Naomi Okubo

When Jaxe found out about the pregnancy, she was overwhelmed with the big decision she was about to make. But she didn’t allow herself to panic. Instead, she laid out her options and tried to figure out the next best thing to do. Jaxe consulted many people, she read stories of mothers who had been in her position and she weighed each option cautiously. She wanted to make a decision that she knew she’d be happy with in the long term.

 

Even though she always kept her options opened, the few months she spent with her little growing baby made it impossible for Jaxe to ever imagine giving her up. And the rest is history.

The Alternative: Cindy

Cindy was pregnant with her first child when she was 16. At the time, there was little room for debate – she was going to get an abortion and that was that. She had a million excuses for not keeping the child and it didn’t seem like a very big deal anyway. It was far too early in her pregnancy for her to feel the baby and the ultrasound image didn’t even resemble a human yet. It was like it didn’t even exist. Why would it matter if she aborted it?

 

Years down the road, now a mother to a sensible young boy, Cindy looks back at the time with regret, feeling the guilt that only a mother would understand. Every now and then, she’d wonder how old her little baby would’ve been had she kept it. For her, the emotional torture of her abortion was enough reason to keep her baby when she got pregnant for the second time at 20.

Here’s some advice from fellow solo sisters to give you a starting point in your decision-making.